OBSERVE as I FLAIL

I finished Lords of Shadow after rerenting it.
If anyone tries to tell you it's a good game, kindly direct them to this;

I get the feeling I will be arguing with people who liked it the same way I argue with people who think Final Fantasy 7 is the game to end all games.

Guys I'm querying again.

I'M HOLDING ON TO MY BUTT IN ANTICIPATION OF GREAT THINGS

Just kidding I suck.

but when am I really even here

like a stage in which the songs can't be taken away

this song
had me crying like a bitch

because I listened to it while I finished up the book, right when things were soft and glorious
fucking cried for two whole hours while I listened to it on repeat and wrote

I don't even 'like' music or think it all that neccessary for me to function, it usually doesn't get to me but this


So my next book, right. Gonna be called Revenge Kids. People write on a bathroom wall about all the wrongs done to them. Three kids (Adjudicator, Propagator, Machinator, you know, like from that one strangely amazing poem/tragic love story trapped under the guise of a rather crap animu) decide its okay to take revenge for the more serious ones. Little jokes, little beatings, and then someone gets murdered.

The ape asks,

"What clings to you?

Bear it—you cannot.

Accept it—you cannot.

But hidden—it is from you.

Recite its name."

Today, I will make a lot of food and contemplate being a shithead.


EDITITS (get it tits):

So mostly inbetween trying to let my books ferment so I can get perspective on them, I write crap fanfiction with a bit of smut. THIS IS PREPARATION FOR LIKE, STEAMY SCENES IN MY ACTUAL BOOKS because jesus christ I can't write a hot scene to save my life, not that my books need to have hot scenes, mostly I'm less about the sex and more about the glamour of it, but my reasoning is that more people (women) will read them.

I guess I like dabbling around, trying new styles. It's a relief to not have to build a whole world. You write fanfiction and most of the world building is done for you.

no I am not giving yall a link goddamnit, it's embarrasing, but here, have a shiny distraction






speaking of KH, sometimes I wake up and this song is playing in my fucking head

わたしわはやいですねええ～～

I just really like eating chocolate chips out of the fucking bag
also bitches I am almost done with another book

I say bitches endearingly, if I don't swear at you I don't really like you

Which is what I tried to explain to him

I miss it
I'm done with shit

So I wrote this drug book in two weeks its an open bleeding wound or whatever except not because I'm old enough to have a semblence of a scab at this point

I might be late to the party but, the song that pretty much was the only thing playing while I wrote it;










この人あたしにこわいのおんあておもい。

I don't even like the way the world is so I make some new worlds/People come and go

What I'm trying to say is I miss it

I'll never be stupid enough to kiss someone properly
I'm this weird advocate of girls who never.

Apathy.

And the funny part is that life is going to pigeonhole us into it somehow - they'll throw some handsome thing in the way who's good with words, and it'll eventually be done with, and it'll eventually end up so that everything is okay but not




What I'm trying to say is


hi~~~~

high~~~~~

nuthin gud

no

do I ever come up in discussion

writing fury
waiting fury

I'm writing about drugs! This dumb little book just about drugs. No magic fairy werewolf shit. Just pills and fat gays in high school.

It's kind of nostalgic? Except my gays were skinny. And in this book the girl is mexican and there are fake heart shaped pills, and there was never any of that in me. But at times I had a heart in me and pills in me.
I also have this backburner boiling thing that's dystopian fantasy, like Final Fantasy 8 + Fallout 3 but it's nuts and I dunno if I can pull it off. The only thing I know for sure is that the girl gets drunk and says she loves him when she really doesn't.

I want to bring humanity back into this shit.




And I'm probably just the reason that you learned your lesson.