hungry little dogs

acting out a big play

playing fetch with heads

A Flower Made of Swords

spacekiller

silverblood
spacegeishas?

Geishas in Space



The World That Does Not Bow

the world that does not bow
the world that does not bow

that's what I'm calling it

welcome back to life

rule of roses

Over the smoking remains of our family, there’s breakfast. The waffles are shaped like bear heads. I stab their stupid faces. They lie there and bleed syrup.

“Mom makes waffles when the world is ending,” Liam informs me, and merrily stabs his own waffle.  At ten and a half he’s too old to fool and too young to tell the truth to.  

“The world is not ending,” I grunt.

“But it’s changing,” He says sagely, like a syrup-smeared Lao Tzu. “Probably for the worst. Last time she made waffles was when you killed Muffy practicing parallel parking.”

I throw him a nasty glare and toss my waffles in the trash. I step around the pooling shards of broken lamp on my way to the bathroom. Blood smears under the door. I knock.

“I’m almost done!” Mom hiccups. “J-Just give me a second.”

“You should use tweezers.”

“I’m fine! Just make sure your brother eats and gets in the car.”

I grab my hoodie from my room, and pass by the master bedroom. Dad’s suitcase is still on the bed, half-filled. Faint grunting comes from the closet. Rex, our leaky-eyed pug, chews on Dad’s dress shoe. He’s been chewing the moment Dad walked out the door. Seven hours, now. He’s in heaven. I crouch on the carpet and watch him be happy.

 Liam comes in and sits by me. Rex chews the shiny leather into mush while Mom’s sobs echo through the walls.

“Good boy,” Liam says.

                        #

Last year, I was fifteen, and I tried to tell my neighbors nobody ever really dies.

They smiled and said I was too young to be so old.

Last year, I tried to tell Naomi, too. Except I was crying. Except she didn’t listen. The rope kept digging into her snowy neck and her feet kept swinging. Softly. Like a wind was blowing her, holding her up. Like the space between her feet and the floor didn’t exist. She was floating, somewhere people couldn’t touch her. Somewhere the ground couldn’t drag her back down.

Dad told me once if you prayed hard, you could talk to the dead and they would talk to you back. Dad is full of shit and Naomi never says anything. Dad’s going to a new family, one he likes better I guess, and Naomi’s rotting in a box and smiling back at me from school remembrance posters and she’ll never say what I need to hear.

I forgive you.

                        #

There are places you can go if you wanna be completely alone while surrounded by people. Some people call it church. Some people call it a park. A café. I call it high school. 

just because I wade into the belly of the beast doesn't mean I'm a beast


it just means I'm strong enough to make it in and out without being corrupted

it's back



It's okay now

I'm at peace

it's okay to have fun without meaning anything at all

I've learned that now


I won't let you down anymore


I'm gonna fight hard now

あああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ

everyone's dumb

and I'm tired of trying to be pretty


watch me sell my soul

just so I don't have to worry about it anymore

just so I don't have to worry about being found out as a fraud anymore

ｈｉｄｉｎｇ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｈｏｒｃｒｕｘｅｓ　ｉｎ　ｏｔｈｅｒ　ｐｅｏｐｌｅ’ｓ　ｈｅａｒｔｓ


ｈｉｄｉｎｇ

豊玉姫

I'm the magical girl y>u c>uld never be~

bitch

I will destr>y my w>rlds

And create my w>rlds

>ver and >ver and >ver

d>n't try t> live in any >f them

just f>ll>w me

it's safe 

i pr<mise


n>w that the dramaramamamammama is all >ut >f the way we can talk real talk

I'm g>ing >n a blind date >n wednesday l>l>l>l

wh> cares

blind dates are what girls d> when they feel like playing russian r>ulette
it's what guys d> when they're like 'why n>t might as well try >ut an>ther vagina'

they all leave when they see y>u with>ut makeup
and y>ur happy face >n, anyway

hahahhahahaha

the lie the lie the lie the lie the lie

use them
never get invested

it all crumbles >r they leave bef>re y>u can

just play

and it w>n't hurt as much

just care fr>m afar

and it w>n't hurt as much
leave l>ve t> the princesses and princes
and just pr>tect the castle like the drag>n y>u are


>h n>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> l>>k what happened!
m>re mel>drama

anyway

I'm g>ing t> try things >ut
I'm g>ing t> try t> be n>rmal again

and laugh later
like the g>>d h>peless ancient n>thing-being I am

the kindling of jet drives off snakes and relieves suffocation of the uterus. Its fumes detect attempts to stimulate a disabling illness or a state of virginity

OH THE STORIES I CAN’T TELL

THE STOMACHS I CAN’T FILL

A little place in a corner of space

WHERE I PULL THE GUTS OF YOU

AND MIX THEM WITH MINE

SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND

I mean nothing at all

GET LOST (IN PEOPLE WHO AREN’T YOU)

WITHOUT EYE RINGS SHE’S JUST AS GOOD AS THE ME WHO TRIES WITH PENCILS AND LIPSTICK AND VERMOUTH

Blood on my mouth and the bottle

I TRIED TO COPY EVERYTHING I SEE

BUT SHE’S BETTER THAN ME

MY UNDERWEAR ARE ALWAYS COMING OFF

TO SHOW YOU THE CRACK IN US

TO SHOW YOU THE CRACKS IN ME

hahahah what do you mean someone can do batshit-sane better than me?>??????>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>???

nothing i say means anything at all 

it's all a huge lie

I'm a house of cards

and the people are taking bets on which suit (queen of hearts, eight of swords) will make it all fall down

TAKING BETS GIGGLING BEHIND FANS AND CUTE HATS AND LOVE

NOTHING MATTERS.

.

.

.
THREATS
I WILL BE THERE, THROWING OIL LIKE FLOWERS,WHEN THE FIRE EATS YOUR THROAT

I WILL BE THERE WHEN THE SHOT GLASS TIPS AND SHATTERS INTO YOUR KIDNEY

I WILL BE THERE WHEN YOUR FATHER KICKS THE BUCKET AND YOU CRY YOURSELF HOARSE
I WILL WATCH YOU 
I WILL WATCH YOU WHEN YOU WRINKLE YOUR NOSE AT THE BLOOD I LEAVE IN YOUR BED

I AM THE ABYSS AND YOU ARE A FIREFLY AND I WANT TO END YOU EAT YOU GIVE YOU NEW WINGS OF DARKNESS

Nobody ever really dies

Nothing in this world can be freshly created or indefinitely destroyed

Or something

It all comes back somehow

human concepts of death and life are narrow-minded

No one ever really dies and no one ever really lives

And the people who haven’t learned that are cute

It’s all just a sandbar in a very large ocean

And sometimes it’s more fun to get wet than to build castles

Sometimes you have to give up hope to get it back

sometimes you have to stop believing for something to look like a miracle

blood in my hair and stolen shampoo in my purse

You’re still calling

(I’m afraid)

Calling

(I’m afraid of never being)

(scared of never being true)

Calling me

Little words made of big words

Lance the cyst

Lance the right people for the right price

and you're still calling


||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||


let me go
letting me let you go


letting me let her in
I have to be afraid to let her in

I have to be hopeless to let her bring me hope

I talk a supersized talk



sometimes you have to cry over milk still whole in the bowl

I am crying over nothing but talk

lk
lk
lk



llllllllllllllllllllllllllL
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||       |||||||||||||||||||||||||| ||| |||||||||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||.

she's guilty and betrayed but driven
worn by the razor-tipped void of unknowing
a skeleton on its last legs
snow white with the apple that kills slowly
she keeps eating 
it's the only food in the house

he hates her
the hate burns him up like cigarettes and vodka, fresh magma, but it's a silent fury, a fury craving suffering
a fury craving equality 



she doesn't care she just wants to know(THE WHY WHY WHY WHY)




the secret in his head


we're not so different

she's broken

and I've never once been whole
i'm no witch
i'm a girl driven insane by my powerlessness over my power


little darling,
my little girl,
my little girl you have to grow so old now,

my little girl

I'll be right here with you when the pain gets unbearable

I'm letting you in now

Lauren Bacall goes to China and decides she doesn't like camels

I'm so sorry

It's so hard to put things into words anymore. The older I get the less I have to rant about. 

What do I hate. What do I feel with extreme passion. What deep thoughts in my brainsoup do I have left to talk about.

I could talk about death, that mushroom cloud that grows a little bigger day by day, always visible, always dark on the horizon raining ash. 

I could talk about life, the endless determined unpredictable tangle of silk stretched around the bone  platforms of people who used to be, building into the sky. 

sheets wrinkling like skin, warm on one side and cold on the other

A little girl skipping in dyed pools and leaving trails of neon behind

The way the world below moves slow when you go too fast, a plane, metal cutting sunset clouds into bite-sized pieces for the sky monsters and the sea monsters

the little bits and pieces of familiarity that make you love something and hate something for never changing

The beauty of a single moment, no flash, no explosive happiness or memorable event, just a moment passing whole and true and followed eternally by clones, 

that the silence makes the noise all the more precious

I am no one

I am the fishhook into the soul

I am the laser sight on the forehead

I am the moon girl hiding her face

I'm the tunnel for the water

tunnel for the wind

I am the construct people tie wishes to
I am the curl of hair on your shoulder that makes you look beautiful

I am the thing that takes someone to that place of insane silence

I am the creator of the creators of the creators

I have been created by the creators of the creators

I am.

just a contrary girl with too much to feel and a job of knowing what to say 

what to be (a character)

who to be (a character)

so little of me is real(ly good)

I want to get better all the time

If I don't, I'm not really living

I want to know

but I also don't want to know

you're gonna push your luck pt. II

what's really shitty

what's really shitty is now everything is just fodder for books
separate the wheat from the chaff
so that means

ITS TIME TO EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING

can I handle this author thing

of course i can




what's left of my advance after house loans/refi!!!
have to be here to sign off on the refi payments isn't that lovely

and not even half is paid off

sssssssssssssssssssssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh



(but I've got 4k!~!!!!!~!!!)
I could;

-Buy a new washer/dryer/water pump for the house

-or go to seattle for a few days and SHOP TILL I DROP and DYE MY HAIR and stay in that fancy hilton downtown and be a classy lady for a few days like I always dreamed and visit YOU GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS (probably spring break)
and if I go talk to the barnes and noble people/independent bookstores about you know what TECHNICALLY THE FLIGHT IS A TAX WRITE OFF


hahahha why is it even a choice I already know what I'm gonna choose


I'm getting a little old though I don't want to wait until I'm forty to be selfish

I started an IRA which is super cool


guys you can't take money with you and you could die at any moment
I don't know if I'm gonna live a long time
so

I want to be selfish sometimes


I can write a new book easily don't worry and I'm working so it's not like I'm totally stupid

but this little pillow of money would be fun to do something with!
I haven't done something fun in a long time

but it should go to concrete progress not frilly frivolous stuff

I'm pretty torn

I'm pretty.














full of shit.

all the time all the time


take pictures all the time

warpaint face

warpaint warpaint warpaint

blood and ash mixed to rust

nothing is impossible where I come from

give me neon hair colors and fatty tuna sushi or give me death

silver and gold

sometimes I just want a nice place for my melodrama to fall 
I can't FB anything because everyone's watching
I can't twitter anything because everyone's watching
this is my lasttttttttttttttttttttttt hidden place
I'm already ruining my image of accomplished author girl it's fantastic
I'm so bad at taking anything seriously
life included
politics nope
literary snobbery nope
book-world popularity nope
awards nope
honor nope
family nope


even though I've done this, it's still not enough

I don't think it'll ever be enough


money solves everything
money is what we're killing ourselves for
what an unworthy fucking cause

people are counting on me
but I wanna run away

I need to make it big or I'll never be able to make them happy

that's my next goal

be big

to do that, I have to give up something, probably
my integrity is the only thing i have left, really

and my youth/health


if I run and leave them to work it out it won't work out good
mom's been through so much in her life, she deserves a place of her own
dad's worked so hard, he needs to let go and rest for a while
my sister's going down a strange path because she doesn't have a lot of resources I don't want her to do things just because she's desperate for money I want her to have the freedom to choose her own life without restrictions
I wanna be the cool aunt who takes my nieces on trips to Japan, something they remember for all their lives, college, also, it would be hella cool to help them with college

if I run


if I run

I'd hate myself
but I'd be free



but if I make it big, it would all be okay

right?








I don't know how to be anything other than helpful

it's annoying

what do people do with their lives when it isn't about money



doubt is super unsexy

so I'll stop that now

I've made up my mind

I'm going to get huge, just watch me
do try to keep up

I do not have time I do not have time


I do not have time to be indecisive

March 2013 is right around the corner I can't do this jumping project bullshit I have to finish and sell another project now now now now now now NOW

more more more more more

I have to push harder and stronger and never stop pushing hard and strong, or I'll die


probably

god I wasted so much time on trying out love it's laughable


this is so stupid I have to focus focus focus focus focus focus

I have to gather my heart and pour all of it into writing again and never spend what's left of it elsewhere ever again

god for a while I had a pretty dream that I could be normal, learn normal people things like kissing, live a dating life or something and still write good enough to be normal no no no no that's not the case, pretty, pretty you and I have to stand alone no more distractions no more excuses write like it was your last day every day again, just do that again for me please, please please

write like you have no one in the world and nothing else matters

you can't afford to slow down or stop you can't do it you can't

you can't

just pick one fucking project and stick with it stop fucking around you can't waste anymore time jesus christ you useless sack of shit

ANIME KURABU

so we've all seen this right

because it's the best

"zeyro"


















also somehow now I have an iphone5 life is weird?


EDIT: I'm not making fun of fat frumpy anime nerds because god knows I am one, specifically that girl in the black oversized t-shirt right now I'm also wearing a black oversized t-shirt plus pajama pants SUE ME


POP QUIZ Publishing has;

A. conditioned me to accept one month as a 'fast response'
B. made me a compulsive email checker
C. given me validation
D. given me huge swathes of time to fill in which I mostly play pokemon and bake and contemplate  actually doing SWORDSPORTS I want to become a sword
E. made me wary of everything I post on twitter because I want to be a classy lady kids can look up to and by look up to I mean ask what booze is best
F. None of the above
G. 'in a sense, all the rest of my life I've been trying to do intellectual things that would attract beautiful boys.'



It's time guys.
I have this list of dreams. Book dream is accomplished/in the process/forever increasing to more books. The rest of the list goes something like;

2. Become a badass (this entails a martial art or two and also becoming a decent aim with a gun)
3. Become a classy lady (etiquette classes so I can surprise people by being crass and then knowing what fork to use holla)

fuck with me I dare you

nujabes and costco juice diet
no one deserves anything
wake me up when it's fashionable to care again

wake me up when you find me a decent fight




dddeeeeddiiidddiiit: kidding but seriously

what is wrong with me every time (read; 2 times) I come up for air from the ocean of suck I just get bitterer and bitterer
all these little people running around trying to make me little and normal, man
my own self running around trying to make me little and normal just to fit in, man
chipping away my magnanimous parts so I can fit
everyday polyamory or asexualism or anything other than monogamy is sounding better and better

i will never give up my middle grade dream of marrying a gay man as his cover and fucking around at my leisure

i will never give up my middle grade dream of world-shattering unrequited love



no but love is a seriously private thing we'll leave that at the door



when I am super mad at real life boys I take it out on otome boys
because they are made of DATA
and when you find out there's an english patch for the first otome game you ever played that can legitimize/clarify your shitty japanese you get on that


the ten year old I babysat tonight helped me choose who to capture in a Master Ball first aka this dude who can't get his hand off his neck



exhibit a;

oh okay that's uh fine wouldn't it be baristo or

because tableware is v. important shit

and then later he's convinced for no reason that I'm scheming something;

does this look like the face of a schemer OwO

THERE'S NO SCHEME JUST CHILL

My second runner up
he's cool and told me seriously 'all high schoolers read dictionaries'

Hardcore balla' award 2012

I cannot alas

DS game, right, so you can uh poke them
but there's this stylus thing you can do where the game recognizes it as 'chop over the head'
and ever since I found it I just basically chop the shit out of them
and then stuff happens

NO every time is appropriate chop time

and then I lost my shit;

HEAD CHOPPING look for it in Glamour tip columns everywhere

Also, obligatory lesbian options who also can't stop with the neck shit;

I'd hit it

they also threw some incest in here;

and then some cool stories bros;

next time on this blog

something serious about apartment hunting

kidding i'm totally gonna talk about boobs and morons

blood is thicker than water but water dries faster

I am only half of the thing you will never understand
seven tenths of the thing you will never put together
say hi to forever 
say hi to forever

blood is thicker than water but water dries faster


people try to impress upon you
try to teach you things
try to open your mind

I don't give a shit about bukowski I just want a hug


don't cry for me
I've already cried for you

eyeliner makes it easy to look sad
money is dirty anyway
all these pretty little bourgeois boys and girls 
luxury boredom
killing themselves
watching birds
cold bird eyes
I saw a homeless man kick a bird
and it died

I chose to be good and I'm good now. 


my spine is too long
but I like it
if you need some you can take some I have some to spare

I'm the spare


is it okay to just want someone
when I'm in town 
who demands nothing of me
who I leave for long periods
and when I come back we'll do fun things together
like a carnival
or an aquarium
or eggs in the morning

is it so bad to love someone you don't know

is it so bad you can't look

is it so bad to not want forever 

is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want foreveris it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want foreveris it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is 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forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want foreveris it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is 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forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want foreveris it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want foreveris it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want foreveris it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want foreveris it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want forever is it so bad to not want foreveris it so bI'm perfect, I know.