il giudizio finale sta per essere emesso

The end!


The end!!!!!!!!!





||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||





IT'S OVER AND I

AND I


it's not going to get me an agent. I'll flesh it out and query it for kicks, but not expecting anything with this one.


This one is a good kid, but not a commercial kid.

I don't lie

guys I aint gonna lie

I'm a little nervous about seeing you guys again I mean
I mean
I'm pretty much a failure. My dream is a failure.

So.

I dunno. I feel bad. I was supposed to be better than this by now.

Oh well.


oooooooooooooooooooooh well.

I'm pretty boring now, too. I don't drink, I just write and work and sleep. It's boring.

oh well.

oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh well.


I'm still hella excited.

RAGEEDITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT:

WELL MY HAIR WOULD BE BLACK IF MY FUCKING DYE WOULD WORK PROPERLY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST I DIDN'T ASK FOR PURPLE

it's easy to let it go

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||


I lied.

I'm still crying.


This book might not be very impressive, but it has these underlying things that I'm discovering, these pieces and bits that make me stop, that make me admire _____. it is growing evolving digivolving right before my eyes

I haven't felt this emotionally affected by writing a book since Heartstoppers



because disgust and longing are universal

because jealousy is just love and hate at the same time


because, like I said

these fuckers are with me

it's hard to let it go

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||


I'm sorry. I'm apologizing to myself because this has suddenly (GONE OFF PLAN/KILLED ITS OWN OUTLINE) become a genuinely stupid book about stupid kids in love despite the odds and I'm sorry to them and me, because it will be so hard and useless


it will be me trying

I'm crying like a bitch for no reason because of those last two lines

because these fuckers are with me


Edit; not crying anymore

hi my name is stupid hormones

sometimes I read the HOLY SHIT tag in tumblr before I write young adult to make myself remember what it's like to be a good moron

EDITTTETris/tuthankamen?

OH I FORGOT YOU GUYS ARE LIEK THIS

My head hurts and I feel so damn groggy. I feel like this is going to be my life. oh my god. >_>

I WOULD STATE THE OBVIOUS BUT, you know, bodies, they do stuff while you're...alive.


Holy shit, he brought me bubble tea cuz I was sick..

Don't make it into something special. The act of giving you bubble tea is a visual increment on the 'possibility of sex' meter to him.


But…it’s…Tuesday…?!
I thought yesterday was Tuesday.
OH GOD.
If “The Heat of the Moment” comes on the radio, I am going to shit my pants.

I don't know what she was talking about, but her picture was pretty so I was 'meh, okay, pretty girls can be normal too'.


wake up from a hella good dream that isnt interrupted and actually gets to end, hop up out my bed and turn my swagg on, big ass breakfast buffet with chick is bikinis feedin me and massagin me, shower and get dressed with all brand new swagged out shit that i just bought, go out shopping and to like some amusement park or something, lunch, chill, BIG ASS DINNER, then a giant ass mansion party with girls everywhere loud music, hella alcohol, food, then a safe ride home to sleep lol

The prompt was 'my best day ever'. I like the mention of a safe ride home after he's contracted many STDs from said 'mansion party with girls everywhere'. I'm sort of proud he didn't mention weed/drugs for some reason.


Literally the most intense dream I’ve ever had in my life just happened. Seriously, there are no words.

well just make a post saying you had it, then, no hints or anything. that'll be useful to you as well.



I took a vicodin.
Holy actual shit. I have never been so high before.

'Actual shit' is a good combination; being that you took a vicodin and then shit.


I feel retarded.
He wants to call me. And I’m actually nervous. Me. Nervous? THE FUCK?!

I don't want to sound repetitive, but effort in the face of possible sex, he, etc.


so we kept dancing and i was like, all over Brian. so Steph and Dylan went to go sit down and by this time i’m on drink like, 8 or 9 and i turn to Brian and, I can’t remember exactly what i said, but it was something like, “what would you do if i kissed you right now?” or “would it be okay if i kissed you right now?” and he was like “yes!” and he kissed me. jgrthnfgfwlkmagthkthnlrdsemjf he fucking kissed me and then we were dancing still and he kissed me again and then we went out to the foyer and i was apparently going around screaming about how i kissed Brian and he was too and omg my Big was freaking the fuck out. my big (who was also drunk off her ass) came up to me and was like, “you guys are fucking adorable, kiss her again!” and he kissed me again. it got around the party in like, under a minute that we kissed.

i said something like, “ugh i wanna sit too” and he was like, “here, sit here” and patted his leg omg. when i sat down for some reason i kissed steph. idek someone told us to and we did bahaha
i kept saying, “are you sure i’m not crushing you” and he would say, “no not at all” and i would say “i like you so much omg” and he would say it back and then kiss my head or my cheek or my neck and then the one time i said “you’re gonna remember this tomorrow, right?” and the one time he was like, “if i wake up next to you i will” mgrnjtklmgrfe omg (i ended up sleeping at Steph’s house, not his lol)
i think i blacked out like, for a couple of seconds a couple times cause i would close my eyes (or i think i closed my eyes idk) and then i would “wake up” again and someone would be like, hovering over me and Brian saying that they were proud of me/us or that we were cute or something idk

i felt like i was gonna hurl so i went outside and threw up everything in my system, not even joking -_- then two of the sisters came out and helped me, then one of the brothers came out and brought me around back and was like helping me to breathe and all that. then my big came out and was helping me.

then our ride was there so we all got in the car and i like dry heaved and yeah.
we got back to steph’s apartment and i dry heaved again and fell asleep. yup.
now i have a headache and feel kinda nauseous cause i haven’t eaten anything yet today. so i’m gonna have a fruit cup and some pop tarts and then get a shower.
omg if you read all of this… kudos, man. i love you.


That bolded part is the only thing I understood, really. I'm not sure the other parts were meant to be understood. I've gathered this;

- Brian is the smart sort of gentleman, in the sense he's not a gentleman at all. He acts cute to throw girls off his trail. He's one of those sneaky types I've always had the urge to punch in the face.

- In California or whatever strange place this is, 'big' means best friend, not 'big head', or 'big wave', or 'big shit'.

- Fruit cups are still a magic cure-all, even in the 2000's.

- The writer of this masterpiece is an agent of Cthulhu, as observed by the prodigious use of the word; jgrthnfgfwlkmagthkthnlrdsemjf

___________________________________________



FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFmy life just started

behold MY RESEARCH

So

I took it upon myself to research different dance competitions, mostly to figure out how a certain dance/fight scene in my book was going to go, move wise and human body wise. So after a million videos of bboys and ballet and crunk I figured it out, but not without stumbling upon THIS GEM; ie, black french twins.


SO NOW GUESS WHO HAS TWINS IN HER BOOK WHO ARE BLACK AND DO FREAKY WEIRD TAUNTS

SOMETIMES LIFE MAKES ME SAD/MAD/IN AWE BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN NEVER DESCRIBE A MOTION/VISION/MOMENT ACCURATELY IN WORDS

a bass that cracks your heart/a treble that eats the pieces

I'm sorry but ever since this one saturday night I can't get over dirty dutch-esque house it is invading my soul
and this book



I KNOW, MORE OF THIS BOOK, YOU'RE PROBABLY LIKE

BUT WHATEVER BROS YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME AND MY BULLSHIT



|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||


I pull a bottle of water from my bag and sneak sips when the librarian isn‘t looking. “What about some Gutter expressions? Tell me about those.”

“Like what?”

“Anger. Happiness. What your body would do to react to that.”

“Happiness is a tail wag, I suppose.”

I choke on my water. Shadus watches it drip down my chin with something like disgusted amusement. I wipe at the table with my sleeve.

“Tail?”

“If it’s anger, the spines on our backs would stand up. We might snarl to show our teeth. For humans it’s more in the eyebrows. Those were very hard to learn to control.”

“Sure.”

“The hardest concept to wrap our heads around was kissing. We watched human movies, of course, and practiced with each other, but it still felt awkward. I don’t know why your race thinks it’s so amazing.”

This time I nearly spit my water across the desk. I put the bottle away - water is a dangerous choice for this conversation.

“There are so many things wrong with that. I don’t even know where to start,” I manage. He keeps going, unaware of my discomfort.

“Procreation, we can understand. Those basic mechanics are the same in our species as well. But why the mouth? Is it because so many of your nerve clusters reside in the lips?”

“I guess?”

“So it’s less a show of affection and more a pursuit of physical pleasure.”

“No!” I shake my head. “I mean, it can be both, depending on who - why are we even talking about this? You think it’s so gross, but I bet your Gutter version is way weirder.”

“It involves much less unsanitary saliva, that is for certain.”


|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||


HAVE I SAID BEFORE SHADUS IS BASICALLY ME, IF I WAS A BOY WITH AN UNDERLYING TONE OF WOE AND A HEALTHY DOSE OF CILLIAN MURPHY'S SIGNATURE CREEPY-HOT?

WHICH MAKES THIS ENTIRE BOOK A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN ME AND VICTORIA


VICTORIA IS THE GRUFF-FOULMOUTHED BUT STILL AWKWARDCUTE BOY IF WE'RE REVERSING GENDERS HERE




BRB NURSING THE WORST HANGOVER EVER AT 1:00 AM



EDIT: FIRST DAY OFF TO PLAY SKYRIM SINCE IT CAME OUT EDIT

SPOILERS FOR THEIVES GUILD DERP DERP

Dragons no longer exist. THEY HAVE BECOME BROGONS TO ME.

EXHIBIT A THIS WHAT HE WAS REALLY SAYING I PROMISE

also I joke about this now in retrospect, but this guy literally made me shit my level 4 self when he slowly came over the ridge of the mountain I was jump scaling glowing with some shadowy shit all over him from the poor rendering I LAUGH NOW BUT I WAS REALLY SCARED TO GO FORWARD

That's my last skyrim screen dump. The last picture I'm showing yall is the forty people I married and their bodies all piled together in a certain nord ruin trap~

MY LIFE IS RUINED

SO I SPELLED CHARACTER WRONG SO WHAT COME AT ME BRO

I am a High Elf mage specializing in Conjuring daedric demons and alchemy~



The deep and riveting dating sim elements are as follows;

1. Put on special necklace that supposedly screams "I'M AVAILABLE"
2. Do somebody's quest which usually involves fetching troll fat or some shit
3. That somebody proposes marriage
5. Go to the temple of mara
6. get hitched
7. Have a free follower


I'm going to marry FORTY DUDES/LADIES AND GET THEM KILLED WHILE WE EXPLORE NORD RUINS

also, funny story, you go around 'shouting' in dragon language and every word makes you run fast or breathe ice or some cool stuff

So I tra la la across skyrim shouting to make myself sprint faster

AND OH I GUESS I DIDN'T READ THE PART WHERE SHOUTING IS BASICALLY THE DRAGON EQUIVALENT OF SCREAMING/FIGHTING, AS IN IF YOU SHOUT WITHIN 400+ MILES OF THEIR NEST THEY WILL HEAR YOU AND LAND ON YOUR SPINE BREATHING ELECTRICITY.

I SAW THE DRAGON-SHAPED SHADOW ON THE GROUND AND THEN THERE WAS THE GAME OVER SCREEN AND I WAS LOLING FOR HOURS


okay but seriously, back to becoming the crappest author that ever lived



}|||||||||||||||||||||||


sometimes I wake up wondering why I keep writing this book because it is DIFFICULT, but then shit like this comes along and I have a private moment of euphoria and I go; OH THAT'S WHY, HERPESMYDERPIES.

Nolan North talks to Nolan North

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||



|||||||||||||||||||||||



GUYS

THA FUCK


the book has themes and they are this and this and this and oops

ALSO

SAYONARA NANOWRIMO NO WAY AM I FUCKING FINISHING YALL WHEN THERE ARE DOVAAAAHKINS TO BECOME AND DRAGONS TO SUMMON AND MAGIC TO FUSE AND HERBS TO GATEHR AND FUCK FUCK FUCK SDLFKJDSLKFJDIOSGJDSGH;;;;5

gonna fog tonight

THUGLYFE

I'll be drinking vanilla vodka and writing my face off~



EDIT: I wrote 15k this week and then;

AND NOW I'M BACK TO 8k

WHOOOOOOOOOOOO

next time on this blog

something not boring

it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts

happy creepy day fuckers

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

A long-legged figure parts the crowd as she walks. Raine smiles, the Gutters at every table watching her pass. The Gutters nod in what I think is a show of respect. The humans can’t do much beside gape at her - boys and girls alike. I think she’s a flighty bitch, but I can’t help but admire her effect on people.





She’s walking my way. I roll my eyes and mentally brace myself.



“Victoria.” She nods, smiling.



“What do you want?” I grunt. She laughs and sits opposite me.



“I just came to enjoy lunch with my roommate. Something wrong with that?”

“I’m the only one of us eating. That’s not lunch. That’s you watching me chew with my mouth open.”





                                   %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%



ITS SUCH A SMALL THING BUT GUYS
FORGET AGENTS
FORGET PUBLISHING
THIS IS WHY I WRITE

FOR THE GODDAMN CHARACTERS COMING OUT OF LEFT FIELD WITH WITTY SHIT I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF
FOR PEOPLE SPRINGING OUT FROM MY HANDS
CHARACTERS GROWING
HEARTS SWELLING OR CRIPPLING
PEOPLE CAN SAY SHIT ABOUT POPULARITY AND THE CRAP INDUSTRY ALL THEY WANT

BUT THIS IS WHY I WRITE

NO MONEY

NO RECOGNITION

THESE MOMENTS

THIS TIME




these characters NO THESE PEOPLE

these people

these

these words

this moment

2906970102

okay, so I post entries when I'm at work which is everyday SO WHAT

So I tallied my stats in my inbox today.

okay, so I felt like I should outline concretely exactly how my querying/fulls process is going at the moment. So here's the whole timeline. Fulls = full manuscript requests, partial = just 50 pages requested, R = Rejection, FR = Form rejection (meaning a rejection straight away from the query, no requested pages or nothing)

Fear Itself(old version): (2009)

174 Queries
2 Full requests - 2 were Rs
1 Partial - Never heard from again
56 FRs on queries, rest never heard from again

Fear Itself (new version): (2010)

98 Queries
3 Full requests - 2 were R's, 1 was never heard from again
2 Partials - Both Rs
45 FRs on queries, rest never heard from again

Heartstoppers: (mid-2011)(ongoing)

121 Queries
6 Full Requests - 3 Rs so far, 3 haven't heard from yet
4 Partials - 1 upgraded to full, one R'd me, two haven't heard from yet
52 FRs on queries, rest never heard from again

The World That Does Not Bow: (late-2011)(ongoing)

144 Queries
3 Full Requests - No Rs as of yet
1 Partial - No Rs as of yet
35 FRs so far




Yup. Three years and four manuscripts into the game. Yup.



Michelle P says

also someday

I want to walk up

to someone

and ask them

"Hi are you a product of incest?"

Sarah Harian says

LAWL



Michelle P says
also I'm in the weird part of youtube again

I think I need to gtfo
omg Erin's so cute

"With all the good news I'm so inspired. I hope my husband doesn't get home late tonight."

LOLOLOL HOUSEWIFE WIN

Sarah Harian says

LOL!

inspired a new position, perhaps?

Michelle P says

BROHAWHAWHAW

like an angry scorpion

My eyes
your eyes
everybody's eyes

god I like this start so much better

this is my first attempt at a dark sexy book, because I think it is time for one of those, and by dark sexy I mean Claudia Black-ish.

so it's official, WHO WANTS TO READ CHAPTERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS BECAUSE I'M READY TO SPIT OUT BULLSHITTTTTTTTTTTT I'M FEELING THE GROOVEEEEEEEEE

It's official new title is 'Fear Me Not', which is also better but not quite what I'm looking for, but it'll do for now. I'm trying to willfully craft this writing style, combining the brevity and gritty feel I did in Heartstoppers with the lore and worldbuilding of The World That Does Not Bow. We'll see how it goes~

||||

I CAN'T EVEN RIGHT NOW

MY FACE WHEN I FIND OUT THERES A KIMI NI TODOKE LIVE ACTION MOVIE WITH ENGLISH SUBS AND WITH A KAZEHAYA THAT ISNT BUTT UGLY:

THEY ARE REFRESHINGLY AWKWARD IT IS PERFECT EVERYTHING IS PERFECT SAWAKO IS PERFECT SHE GOES FROM TERRIFIED TO HAVING FRIENDS THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE WARM FUZZY FEELING HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP IT'S JUNIOR YEAR ALL OVER AGAIN SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTT

EXCUSE ME WHILE I RELIVE MY WEEABO DAYS

EDIT

OH SHIT PART NINE HE JUST ASKED HER OUT I AM SQUEALING LIKE I'M 12 OR SOMETHING

this was like the only romantic manga besides koukou debut that I liked, mostly because it was different/great at the character interactions

guys there are two types of people in the world

those who are romantic and then those who are so romantic they have to act like they aren't or perish

will talk about it later/been meaning to talk about it for a while now

EDITx2:

Okay I'm done. It was okay? It was cute and fine.

I actually don't have anything to say anymore. Except there are those two kinds of people in the world. And I'm qualified to determine that because I'm neither/because I'm a special snowflake/because JUST KIDDING WHO GIVES A SHIT.

I guess I'm trying to say it's all or nothing

so it'll be nothing forever

which is fine

in the world there are a lot of girls who are like; never again

my love (hahaha that word) life was pretty much a string of unrequited nothings and I think that's the only way I will ever be I think that was for the best all around

normally I don't think about this kind of shit anymore because I know it's useless but thanks kimi ni todoke

under the bravado (glowing bravado, I'm made of bravado no the actual word definition of bravado) I'm just afraid

which is cool because since I never think about it anymore I don't have to be afraid anymore

which is the only way to live sometimes I feel like a vulcan

or a gutter sometimes I feel scared at how much I don't care anymore like where did the passionate girl with lots to say go, did she evolve into a ghost type did she digivolve with an egg of resilience or something

when did she go away and why

I think people are most beautiful and most ugly when they're in love I think they stand out the most/are fuller it is a crime to never want to be fuller again

I think I'm a crime

It's okay

only so many people can dance life well

we'll all end up married and old anyway, used to the quirks, used to the bodily functions, used to hating them as much as depending on them and getting used to getting used to them

if that's life I want no part of it

I'm convinced I'm 17 and a blue mage who ends up with the wrong knight

that's why I write.

that's why everybody writes/makes movies/draws/paints/sings/has affairs/does drugs/drinks booze/plays videogames/reads/turns to religion/turns to warring

because real life is beautiful and fulfilling,

but boring.

and people will fight you and say no and try to argue with you but the fact remains that people are empty

because the drugs and women/men and food and work and school and worries get boring

because fight club was right

because kids die a lot and there's nothing anyone can do about it

because growing up is just realizing your limits

because love is a series of delusions nature puts in a box with hormone wrapping paper

because everything I've just said has been said by every bitter fucker in the world

because right now, I'm alive and I can see the whole world

but I want to see every world

STRIKEDIT:

LOLOLOLOL GAY

we did well even when the darkness came

I might've peed on a bitch's truck. or actually in the truck bed.

Long story.

My natural reaction to failure is to get shitfaced with people I don't know. Which, since I hadn't failed for a while, was an interesting experience.

I don't think it matters.

http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/participants/ex_machina/novels/terror-eve


xenophobia~

And it's funny, because I've really only taken a month and a half to write every book of mine so far, so it's not like NaNo is anything new to me. This time I think I'll take a little longer to revise it.

said no

Do I feel like giving up? Hell yes.

Do I feel like shit for not being good enough? Hell yes.
Do I feel like three years of my life have been wasted with this shit? A little.

Do I feel like I wanna kick the world in its nutsack and write like a mad fiend until I do something right for once? Hell yes.

This is my weakest hour

I think this is where i have to decide something

I can keep going like this, churn out stuff as I used to and not change

Or I can change.


I've been rejected too much to cry at this point. But goddamnit it was a close one. The carrot in front of the nose and everything. Thinking my efforts would finally pay off.


I'll keep on keeping onI'm going to burn everything to the ground and look at myself objectively and analyze every tiny detail and look at the big picture and sacrifice everything until death do us part because these stories are the reason I'm still alive.

I'm in love

it's a beautiful day

flatlining bitches like it was my perogative, initiative, hit you from behind like general lee did

okay no word yet but like any day now

if she doesn't say anything by thursday I'll nudge

this is my life right now

bulges and all

It's a fucking fantastic agency. as in, that dude's agency. and the lady in question knew everything about my drug book, or like how it worked and what the message was. she understood my fucking book when I don't think I really even understood it. she hates romance. I hate romance. We'd be perfect.

I'll stop being creepy now and go back to anxiety-ing my guts out.


also is it okay to like Nicki Minaj because super bass is horrible but the blacklight part was awesome but she guests rap and aces everyone on the same track, even if their names start with K and ends in West. Exhibit A; Kanye's 'Monster'.

I've taken four execdrin in the last 12 hours

If i get lucky it'll knock me out for three days and I'll wake up to better news and a better day

FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY

GUYS TWO MORE DAYS TWO MORE DAYS I AM FUCKING DYING HERE


EVERYBUUUUUUUUUDYYYYYYYYY I think I've watched this twenty times in the last day and I laugh like I've seen it the first time EVERY TIME what is wrong with me

also if you haven't heard this (THANKS LAURA) http://soundcloud.com/23e/pokemon-dubstep-23-lets-go-to you're missing out on quality pokemon dubstep. as in. pokestep.


These are the things I find while waiting to explode INTO RAINBOW BITS










Guys I can't even
I can't even



FUCKING DYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG hey oh but the lump in my head gone which is good because to actually fucking die at this point would be counterproductive

my time is precious and wasted

I TRY TO STAY BUSY BUT THIS WAITING IS KILLING ME

Countdown with me~

Anytime after this week. ANYTIME AFTER SUNDAY NEXT WEEK I TAKE SOLACE IN screaming until I can't anymore

just kidding
not
I take solace in the fact it will probably just be a normal outcome instead of the wonderous thing I imagine
This applies to life as well, not just my booky ambitions

I want to become a voice even if no one listens


and, because I can't think, a meaningful montage of different people's thoughts I picked out of a random tumblr search for 'holy shit';

1. i just realized
i taught my little brother the hair pat
to scratch your head without messing up your hair
i do it all the time
i learned it from the black girls at my high school

this girl could be my friend

2. I saw Brandon in the supermarket today. I was coming out of the cereal aisle and I saw him coming. I stopped breathing as he passed. He did a double take, I don’t think he recognized me at first (lost weight, got contacts, etc.) We made eye contact and he was giving me the, “I really wanna say something to you but you hate me so i’ll just stare at you” look. Part of me wanted to cry, part of me wanted to hug him, and part of me wanted to punch him in the face. Everywhere I went, he was there, or just behind or in front of me. He kept looking at me. I wanted to scream, “Stop looking at me!” but I didn’t want to be a crazy bitch. After he left, I had a panic attack in the fruit section and people were coming up to me asking if I was okay. That was the first time that we made eye contact in six months.

this girl is a retard


3. also i just realized that i'm wearing a tool shirt

and i’m listening to tool and i’m soo stoned

i’m also doing math homework hahaha i never would’ve guessed that i could do it this high

i found this shirt at hempfest

its way too big for me hahaha but its still awesome

this album is blowing my mind



the best part is she's doing something fun like math homework whilst on drugs to enhance her experience

4. I feel bad for being in love right now

this was a guy. I don't think he's being truthful 

5. I had the a hangover for the first time today.

It fucking sucked so bad. I felt like I was going to explode and die. Luckily I didn’t puke.

Sooo much vodka.
that's why you don't drink hard stuff on your first determined hangover, start with wine work your way up are kids really this retarded i need to teach a class on how to de-tard them

6.

forever alone.

ive been crying for like three days straight. but like he gives a shit..

who gives a shit, kill yourself
7. GOODBYE TO ANY CHANCE AT ME SLEEPING TONIGHT. CHRIS AND DARREN WERE JUST MAKING OUT IN A CAR.
CHRIS AND DARREN.
IN A CAR.
OUR KLAINE DRY SPELL IS OVER.

why is this the one I like best

EDOT:

I've had this huge knot on the back of my head since like...Monday. It's either a cyst, or an infected lymph thingy, or it's a tumor. It's going away a little right now.

I was probably angsting so hard I pushed a little bit of my brain out.

also I can't listen to Florence and the machine's cosmic love without crying wtf is wrong with me

SO I WAS GONNA TAKE A SHOWER BUT THEN I ENDED UP WRITING THIS?

that love's gon getcha

no

outsmarting the booze

I AM SHITTING MY PANTS I AM SHITTING MY PANTS


I AM SHITTING MY PANTS


GUYS


THIS IS THE BIG LEAGUES NOW


short version; I sent out like 7 test queries to big league names (lol twilight's agent) AND THREE OF THEM SAID YES PLZ SEND MANUSCRIPT. WITHIN A WEEK. Plus I sent back that revision of drug contemp and agent sounded enthusiastic.


I am shitting my fucking pants and not sleeping well AT ALL but I am loving every single second of this irrational probably-for-nothing TERROR.

I am sick of failing. I am sick of hiding because of failing. I am sick of lying about what I do and where I do it. I am sick of failing.


THE BLONDEGIRL/BLACK THING IS ME;

lunatic pandora

guys

I think I might have good news coming soon

I just can't say anything or I risk FUCKING IT ALL UP/jinxing it

I have to play my cards close to my chest all the time or I die

I have to play my cards right, period. Everything is in the right place right now. There is only one chance, here. One domino. If it misses, all the others don't even stutter and I want them to fall.

This is the only chance I have right now at this moment and me and the moment are bros




And now a vidyagame interlude


I'm making one

about fucked up things. There's no dialogue. Armed only with GIMP, Audacity, and RPGMaker VX, I'm making creepy ambient music and terribad cheerful 8bit music from scratch and sprites from scratch and maps from scratch and coding from scratch. BEHOLD.

HOHOHO I did these because I'm lame and yes that is an embryo plant and it's exploded counterpart the geisha/princess combo is for the rapzunel tower world where they lure men up and torture them. The white people are for cinderella world which will be a basic high school world but cinderella got teased and went nuts and killed everyone.
ME GUSTA.

ignore those bottom right sprites that look professional. I didn't do those but I'm not using them either. These two sheets minus the psycho geisha, heian princess, and the white people, are
the fucked up hansel/gretel forest world. the witch grows kids' body parts on plants to eat. the blonde girl
with a leaf growing out of her eye is gretel. hansel is a 'power' you get in the game. It lets you
spread breadcrumbs to lure animals/make a trail so you don't get lost.

IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING, YES I'M STUPID.

Wide knowledge of the late madness

I CAN DO THIS ALL DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY



work work sleep sleep write write try to do situpsssssssssss (I can do a hundred a day now!!!)

Y SO PATHETIC

I have nothing smart or poignant left for you ravenous hordes.


So I don't really like vocaloids but this



THAT'S OKAY I DIDN'T NEED TO SLEEP ANYWAY

the faint eating sounds after the chainsaw sounds get me every time

lights

gaiz an agent has requested a revise and resubmit on my drug contemporary YA thing

instead of a rejection


awesome.

She wants me to take out the crossdressing

fuck my life I loved that part


this is a poem I did while waiting for my chicken to grill

just kidding it doesn't rhyme

at least not all the time


guys I think I finally might be going somewhere

lights lights lights


in my eyesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

i hate literary people

sometimes I yelled at them to go spiritually wank on their blogs instead of during class assignments

sometimes this bullshit is worth it


SOMETIMES I FEEL GOOD
but I'm not sleeping now



I don't want to be fabulous or beautiful or sexy or undeniable




I want to be good

I don't care what the moon says, it's autumn on Sept. 1st

I have choices.

FALL IS RAPIDLY APPROACHING AND I AM NEARLY DONE WITH REVISIONS, so now is the time to get to figuring what I'm gonna write next. I've got Ideas (TM) boilin'.

1. That Triad book - The Adjudicator, Machinator, and Propagator bit, where those are the codenames of the three kids in a school dispensing 'justice'. The Mockingbirds was a recently released YA that did a piss poor job of this justice dispensing squad deal. Basically in my plot, the 'justice' goes too far and some unknown quantity murders someone and tries to blame it on the Adjudicator Machinator Propagator triad.

AMP know each other from childhood, because M's sister molested him constantly (incestyay) and A and P banned together and tried to pull a prank on her to get her to stop. Unfortunately, it killed her and they had to cover it up together. AMP have since been dispensing similar justice in the school. The murderer goes by the name Liberator. In reality, Liberator is a girl who had a crush on M's sister that AMP accidentally killed, so she's trying to get back at them by murdering + blaming it on them. (lesyay) Very gritty complex stuff and I'll actually have to focus hard.

The MC would be some kind of school paper reporter. Possibly a super nerd. The Love interest would probably be the Adjudicator, who's been in and out of juvie and is angry, but is really fair under the punk exterior. Machinator would be a 'dumb jock' who has an IQ of about a milllion. Propagator is the student council head, who's prim and has split personality disorder, where he's all proper by day and a slut by night.

2. Ghost camera story - Basically entirely inspired by Fatal Frame. Definetly a historical fantasy, I'm thinking victorian. Frilly dresses, etc. A girl who's got an old fashioned camera that can see ghosts goes to a summer house of a friend's.

Lo and behold, a terrible massacre happened there a while back. I'm thinking family cult that sacrifices their eldest daughter for some reason. Eldest daughter didn't want to die because she loved some farm boy,so  when they killed her her ghost went psycho and slaughtered them all. I WANT TO FIT creepy little girls who like to torture people in there. I had a creepy fucking dream about a room with two curtains and a vermillion lighting scheme, and anyone who walked in was immediately possessed and murderous.

Anyway, girl with camera's gotta soothe a house full of angry ghosts plus the eldest daughter ghost who is bad news. Not sure there would be a love interest for her here, it would mostly just be creepy stuff and pretty dresses.

3. Band story - By far the lightest in terms of emotion. JUST A STORY ABOUT A GIRL STARTING A BAND. Though, to spice it up, I wanted to pull a Hana Kimi and make the MC attend school as a boy for some reason. (genderbendyay) Sorta like K-ON! plus Twelfth Night? Who knows. The Love interest would be severely confused about his sexuality because the MC is a boy as far as he knows, and one of her band members would develop a crush on her.

Basically, plot-wise, MC is the last member of the rock club because all the seniors left and she's the only one who joined her freshman year. If they don't get four members, the club will shut down. MC is desperate to get people to join. (Later, you figure out she had a friend in middle school who got in a car accident who's now in a coma, who really wanted to join rock club. So MC is kinda keeping it together for her).

A rich bitch girl FANTASTIC at classic piano would be blackmailed by the MC to play keyboard in the band. There would be a really nice/shy bookworm girl who would come forward to play drums, and a super serious super depressed super sarcastic loner girl would play bass, and the MC obviously would get lead guitar and mic. I was also thinking the school space cadet could be a part and play a random instrument every time, like a triangle, castanets, so at one point it would be like;

"What the fuck is that, Verity?"

"A garbage lid!"

"Jesus christ, just get on the stage."

The band name would be like...fuck I don't know. I suck at band names. "Fuck You It's Tea Time" was the original name, but maybe that's too much of a homage to K-ON!'s "Houkago Tea Time".

Anyway, it would be badass and end with them rocking out until they die.




anyway.

sddddddddddddddddddd

I've figured it out.



deity:

HERE'S HOW.

Fifty pages written over one weekend later

and everything is right with my stupid little(big) imaginary worlds again.



AND EVERYTHING IS.

SUMMING ACCURATELY

Michelle P says
YUP.

so Laura had a problem with like

the fact I kept stressing Talcade was people-dumb

but was kissing all sexy like

and I was like

THIS IS NOT A PROBLEM

lawl

Sarah H says

he practiced on his pillow?

lol

Michelle P says

D:

Sarah H says

Im people dumb and I'm a good kisser

Michelle P says

RIGHT?

Sarah H says

*coughpretentiousbitchcough*

hahaha

Michelle P says

people can be people dumb

but still be instinctual kissers?

Sarah H says

yeah

Michelle P says

my logic is so skewed

Sarah H says

nah

maybe

like

have Rho muse on that though

that may be interesting

Michelle P says

LOL right

well he says like

all creepy

that all his roommates used the couch for was making out with girls

and plus like tons of underclassmen like him

I DUNNO

LOGIC

fuck actual character development

I worry about the validity of hawt kissing

Sarah H says

　

I just make my characters dry hump and everything is right with the world

Michelle P says

DEE END~~

Sarah H says

yup

Michelle P says

god on the airplane

there was like this super hot swedish/romanian/didn'tspeakenglish/whatever dude

black hair and hot as fuck JUST MAI TASTE RIGHT

I was making googly eyes

the whole time


Sarah H says

HAH!

Michelle P says

and his little sister was next to him giving me shitlooks

I was like

BITCH FUCK YOUR BROTHER COMPLEX HE MINE

dunno why I just thought of that now

I SO FORGETFUL

Sarah H says

HAHA

was he giving googly eyes back?

Michelle P says

nope

totally ignored

probably gay

after 12+ hours in the air I also looked like fucking hell, my eyeliner all smeared and shit

hair crazy

tho I had a nice dress on? That makes up for it.

but what was I gonna do?

airplane bathroom make out?

YEAH RIGHT

I am not that eezy

Plus what would we talk about?

what do they have in romania?

Wikipedia says good cheeses and dragons

Fuck that.

EDITTTTTTTTTTTTTT:

I want to name a book

I Miss the Sunrise


I feel so fucking empty now that I don't have a thing to obsess over (aka a book to write). This is my least favorite part. Revising sucks hard and is not nearly as all-encompassing as writing. this part requires logic and objectivity and that's bullshit.

bullshitbullshitshitbulls

Now is the time to perform great feats of badassery. Now is the time to make everything on fire.

The problem I think people will have with Rho is she's a mary sue. I set out making her popular and pretty and well liked because I was so sick of everyone bashing mary sues like they were some unholy plague. Perfection is not bad. Not even perfection, NOT being an awkward ugly duckling social outcast is not a reason to insta-hate a character. Stereotypes are NOT FUCKING BAD, PEOPLE. THEY ARE LIFE. GET OVER YOURSELVES.

yami sae kudaku chikara de hohoemu kimi ni aitai~~

I'M DOWN LIKE MY INTERNET CONNECTION

WHO'S BACK BITCHES

NOT ME


JUST KIDDING I'M HERE BUT JETFAGGED


SEE WHAT I DID THERE



also fuck books

and that you'll let her down easy.

HAVE SOME SWAG













I believe my work here is done.


dietteitei:

I will say this right now. Spain is good at horror. They really are. They put these tiny details (giggling, creepy dolls in the background) that are really subtle and if you notice them they freak you the FUCK OUT but I will say this right now; they fail where it matters the most, THE END. They always could make it so much BETTER but they fall SHORT with some cultist bullshit instead of ACTUAL mindfucks. El Orphanto is still the champ in the regard it didn't fuckin' let me down.


LOS SIN NOMBRE U DISAPOINT

FUCK YOU IMA FIND ME A GOOD HORROR MOVIE WHO ISN'T A BITCH

'k I'm done.

 

let's have some fun this beat is sickkkkkkkkkk

KATIE AMANDA HANNAH KATE

YOU ARE ALL OUT DOING AMAZING THINGS


I just want you to know that I'm lame and thank you for being friends with a retard like me who doesn't call/text/facebook as much as she should, because she feels like doing those things won't let you slip away, because she doesn't want those few great people to get away.

SHE IS SO FOCUSED, SHE HAS MADE THIS WRITING THING HER WHOLE LIFE AND IT IS STUPID BUT SHE WANTS SO BAD TO SUCCEED. (sp? fuck spelling!)

Just know that I love you forever. I don't talk much, but I love you so much and you are amazing people who deserve a better friend than me. Someday I want to be together again and make pizza again and see how much you all have gotten amazinger.


I'm gonna go write now.
Catch ya on the flip side.

and the cracks begin

SO I FOUND THE THEME SONG OF THIS BOOK WHICH IS NOW 200 PAGES AKA 50k WORDS AKA WHERE ALL MY SUMMER HAS GONE AKA I'VE WRITTEN ONE BOOK FOR SPRING, HALFWAY DONE WITH SUMMER BOOK, WILL DO FALL, WILL DO WINTER. FOUR BOOKS A YEAR BUT


THIS SUMMER ONE IS SPECIAL


















THERE IS SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL ABOUT TRYING YOUR HARDEST EVERY GODDAMN DAY

ANTHEM.

FUCK YEAH.

it's okay, just relax now~

I just got done watching.


WATCHING PARANOIA AGENT

jesus it is my number one.

EDOT:

I now present to you the reasons I had to clean my screen free of milk (first video) and tea (second video).
Like I said before, I don't know why this guy cracks me up but he does.

THE MUSIC IS FITTING BECAUSE I REALLY CAN'T STOP WRITING

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK

EXCUSE ME WHILE I TAKE FOUR MORE EXCEDRIN AND DOWN THE REST OF THIS RUM AND FINISH THIS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL BOOK LIKE A BOSS. IN A SINGLE WEEK.