hungry little dogs

acting out a big play

playing fetch with heads

A Flower Made of Swords

spacekiller

silverblood
spacegeishas?

Geishas in Space



The World That Does Not Bow

the world that does not bow
the world that does not bow

that's what I'm calling it

welcome back to life

rule of roses

Over the smoking remains of our family, there’s breakfast. The waffles are shaped like bear heads. I stab their stupid faces. They lie there and bleed syrup.

“Mom makes waffles when the world is ending,” Liam informs me, and merrily stabs his own waffle.  At ten and a half he’s too old to fool and too young to tell the truth to.  

“The world is not ending,” I grunt.

“But it’s changing,” He says sagely, like a syrup-smeared Lao Tzu. “Probably for the worst. Last time she made waffles was when you killed Muffy practicing parallel parking.”

I throw him a nasty glare and toss my waffles in the trash. I step around the pooling shards of broken lamp on my way to the bathroom. Blood smears under the door. I knock.

“I’m almost done!” Mom hiccups. “J-Just give me a second.”

“You should use tweezers.”

“I’m fine! Just make sure your brother eats and gets in the car.”

I grab my hoodie from my room, and pass by the master bedroom. Dad’s suitcase is still on the bed, half-filled. Faint grunting comes from the closet. Rex, our leaky-eyed pug, chews on Dad’s dress shoe. He’s been chewing the moment Dad walked out the door. Seven hours, now. He’s in heaven. I crouch on the carpet and watch him be happy.

 Liam comes in and sits by me. Rex chews the shiny leather into mush while Mom’s sobs echo through the walls.

“Good boy,” Liam says.

                        #

Last year, I was fifteen, and I tried to tell my neighbors nobody ever really dies.

They smiled and said I was too young to be so old.

Last year, I tried to tell Naomi, too. Except I was crying. Except she didn’t listen. The rope kept digging into her snowy neck and her feet kept swinging. Softly. Like a wind was blowing her, holding her up. Like the space between her feet and the floor didn’t exist. She was floating, somewhere people couldn’t touch her. Somewhere the ground couldn’t drag her back down.

Dad told me once if you prayed hard, you could talk to the dead and they would talk to you back. Dad is full of shit and Naomi never says anything. Dad’s going to a new family, one he likes better I guess, and Naomi’s rotting in a box and smiling back at me from school remembrance posters and she’ll never say what I need to hear.

I forgive you.

                        #

There are places you can go if you wanna be completely alone while surrounded by people. Some people call it church. Some people call it a park. A café. I call it high school. 

just because I wade into the belly of the beast doesn't mean I'm a beast


it just means I'm strong enough to make it in and out without being corrupted

it's back



It's okay now

I'm at peace

it's okay to have fun without meaning anything at all

I've learned that now


I won't let you down anymore


I'm gonna fight hard now

あああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああああ

everyone's dumb

and I'm tired of trying to be pretty


watch me sell my soul

just so I don't have to worry about it anymore

just so I don't have to worry about being found out as a fraud anymore

ｈｉｄｉｎｇ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｈｏｒｃｒｕｘｅｓ　ｉｎ　ｏｔｈｅｒ　ｐｅｏｐｌｅ’ｓ　ｈｅａｒｔｓ


ｈｉｄｉｎｇ

豊玉姫

I'm the magical girl y>u c>uld never be~

bitch

I will destr>y my w>rlds

And create my w>rlds

>ver and >ver and >ver

d>n't try t> live in any >f them

just f>ll>w me

it's safe 

i pr<mise


n>w that the dramaramamamammama is all >ut >f the way we can talk real talk

I'm g>ing >n a blind date >n wednesday l>l>l>l

wh> cares

blind dates are what girls d> when they feel like playing russian r>ulette
it's what guys d> when they're like 'why n>t might as well try >ut an>ther vagina'

they all leave when they see y>u with>ut makeup
and y>ur happy face >n, anyway

hahahhahahaha

the lie the lie the lie the lie the lie

use them
never get invested

it all crumbles >r they leave bef>re y>u can

just play

and it w>n't hurt as much

just care fr>m afar

and it w>n't hurt as much
leave l>ve t> the princesses and princes
and just pr>tect the castle like the drag>n y>u are


>h n>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> l>>k what happened!
m>re mel>drama

anyway

I'm g>ing t> try things >ut
I'm g>ing t> try t> be n>rmal again

and laugh later
like the g>>d h>peless ancient n>thing-being I am

the kindling of jet drives off snakes and relieves suffocation of the uterus. Its fumes detect attempts to stimulate a disabling illness or a state of virginity

OH THE STORIES I CAN’T TELL

THE STOMACHS I CAN’T FILL

A little place in a corner of space

WHERE I PULL THE GUTS OF YOU

AND MIX THEM WITH MINE

SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND

I mean nothing at all

GET LOST (IN PEOPLE WHO AREN’T YOU)

WITHOUT EYE RINGS SHE’S JUST AS GOOD AS THE ME WHO TRIES WITH PENCILS AND LIPSTICK AND VERMOUTH

Blood on my mouth and the bottle

I TRIED TO COPY EVERYTHING I SEE

BUT SHE’S BETTER THAN ME

MY UNDERWEAR ARE ALWAYS COMING OFF

TO SHOW YOU THE CRACK IN US

TO SHOW YOU THE CRACKS IN ME

hahahah what do you mean someone can do batshit-sane better than me?>??????>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>???

nothing i say means anything at all 

it's all a huge lie

I'm a house of cards

and the people are taking bets on which suit (queen of hearts, eight of swords) will make it all fall down

TAKING BETS GIGGLING BEHIND FANS AND CUTE HATS AND LOVE

NOTHING MATTERS.

.

.

.
THREATS
I WILL BE THERE, THROWING OIL LIKE FLOWERS,WHEN THE FIRE EATS YOUR THROAT

I WILL BE THERE WHEN THE SHOT GLASS TIPS AND SHATTERS INTO YOUR KIDNEY

I WILL BE THERE WHEN YOUR FATHER KICKS THE BUCKET AND YOU CRY YOURSELF HOARSE
I WILL WATCH YOU 
I WILL WATCH YOU WHEN YOU WRINKLE YOUR NOSE AT THE BLOOD I LEAVE IN YOUR BED

I AM THE ABYSS AND YOU ARE A FIREFLY AND I WANT TO END YOU EAT YOU GIVE YOU NEW WINGS OF DARKNESS

Nobody ever really dies

Nothing in this world can be freshly created or indefinitely destroyed

Or something

It all comes back somehow

human concepts of death and life are narrow-minded

No one ever really dies and no one ever really lives

And the people who haven’t learned that are cute

It’s all just a sandbar in a very large ocean

And sometimes it’s more fun to get wet than to build castles

Sometimes you have to give up hope to get it back

sometimes you have to stop believing for something to look like a miracle

blood in my hair and stolen shampoo in my purse

You’re still calling

(I’m afraid)

Calling

(I’m afraid of never being)

(scared of never being true)

Calling me

Little words made of big words

Lance the cyst

Lance the right people for the right price

and you're still calling


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let me go
letting me let you go


letting me let her in
I have to be afraid to let her in

I have to be hopeless to let her bring me hope

I talk a supersized talk



sometimes you have to cry over milk still whole in the bowl

I am crying over nothing but talk

lk
lk
lk



llllllllllllllllllllllllllL
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||       |||||||||||||||||||||||||| ||| |||||||||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||.

she's guilty and betrayed but driven
worn by the razor-tipped void of unknowing
a skeleton on its last legs
snow white with the apple that kills slowly
she keeps eating 
it's the only food in the house

he hates her
the hate burns him up like cigarettes and vodka, fresh magma, but it's a silent fury, a fury craving suffering
a fury craving equality 



she doesn't care she just wants to know(THE WHY WHY WHY WHY)




the secret in his head


we're not so different

she's broken

and I've never once been whole
i'm no witch
i'm a girl driven insane by my powerlessness over my power


little darling,
my little girl,
my little girl you have to grow so old now,

my little girl

I'll be right here with you when the pain gets unbearable

I'm letting you in now