A long-legged figure parts the crowd as she walks. Raine smiles, the Gutters at every table watching her pass. The Gutters nod in what I think is a show of respect. The humans can’t do much beside gape at her - boys and girls alike. I think she’s a flighty bitch, but I can’t help but admire her effect on people.
She’s walking my way. I roll my eyes and mentally brace myself.
“Victoria.” She nods, smiling.
“What do you want?” I grunt. She laughs and sits opposite me.
“I just came to enjoy lunch with my roommate. Something wrong with that?”
“I’m the only one of us eating. That’s not lunch. That’s you watching me chew with my mouth open.”
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
ITS SUCH A SMALL THING BUT GUYS
FORGET AGENTS
FORGET PUBLISHING
THIS IS WHY I WRITE
FOR THE GODDAMN CHARACTERS COMING OUT OF LEFT FIELD WITH WITTY SHIT I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF
FOR PEOPLE SPRINGING OUT FROM MY HANDS
CHARACTERS GROWING
HEARTS SWELLING OR CRIPPLING
PEOPLE CAN SAY SHIT ABOUT POPULARITY AND THE CRAP INDUSTRY ALL THEY WANT
okay, so I post entries when I'm at work which is everyday SO WHAT
So I tallied my stats in my inbox today.
okay, so I felt like I should outline concretely exactly how my querying/fulls process is going at the moment. So here's the whole timeline. Fulls = full manuscript requests, partial = just 50 pages requested, R = Rejection, FR = Form rejection (meaning a rejection straight away from the query, no requested pages or nothing)
Fear Itself(old version): (2009)
174 Queries
2 Full requests - 2 were Rs
1 Partial - Never heard from again
56 FRs on queries, rest never heard from again
Fear Itself (new version): (2010)
98 Queries
3 Full requests - 2 were R's, 1 was never heard from again
2 Partials - Both Rs
45 FRs on queries, rest never heard from again
Heartstoppers: (mid-2011)(ongoing)
121 Queries
6 Full Requests - 3 Rs so far, 3 haven't heard from yet
4 Partials - 1 upgraded to full, one R'd me, two haven't heard from yet
52 FRs on queries, rest never heard from again
The World That Does Not Bow: (late-2011)(ongoing)
144 Queries
3 Full Requests - No Rs as of yet
1 Partial - No Rs as of yet
35 FRs so far
Yup. Three years and four manuscripts into the game. Yup.
Michelle P says also someday
I want to walk up
to someone
and ask them
"Hi are you a product of incest?" Sarah Harian says LAWL
Michelle P says also I'm in the weird part of youtube again
I think I need to gtfo omg Erin's so cute
"With all the good news I'm so inspired. I hope my husband doesn't get home late tonight."
LOLOLOL HOUSEWIFE WIN Sarah Harian says LOL!
inspired a new position, perhaps? Michelle P says BROHAWHAWHAW
this is my first attempt at a dark sexy book, because I think it is time for one of those, and by dark sexy I mean Claudia Black-ish.
so it's official, WHO WANTS TO READ CHAPTERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS BECAUSE I'M READY TO SPIT OUT BULLSHITTTTTTTTTTTT I'M FEELING THE GROOVEEEEEEEEE
It's official new title is 'Fear Me Not', which is also better but not quite what I'm looking for, but it'll do for now. I'm trying to willfully craft this writing style, combining the brevity and gritty feel I did in Heartstoppers with the lore and worldbuilding of The World That Does Not Bow. We'll see how it goes~
MY FACE WHEN I FIND OUT THERES A KIMI NI TODOKE LIVE ACTION MOVIE WITH ENGLISH SUBS AND WITH A KAZEHAYA THAT ISNT BUTT UGLY:
THEY ARE REFRESHINGLY AWKWARD IT IS PERFECT EVERYTHING IS PERFECT SAWAKO IS PERFECT SHE GOES FROM TERRIFIED TO HAVING FRIENDS THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE WARM FUZZY FEELING HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP IT'S JUNIOR YEAR ALL OVER AGAIN SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTT
EXCUSE ME WHILE I RELIVE MY WEEABO DAYS
EDIT
OH SHIT PART NINE HE JUST ASKED HER OUT I AM SQUEALING LIKE I'M 12 OR SOMETHING
this was like the only romantic manga besides koukou debut that I liked, mostly because it was different/great at the character interactions
guys there are two types of people in the world
those who are romantic and then those who are so romantic they have to act like they aren't or perish
will talk about it later/been meaning to talk about it for a while now
EDITx2:
Okay I'm done. It was okay? It was cute and fine.
I actually don't have anything to say anymore. Except there are those two kinds of people in the world. And I'm qualified to determine that because I'm neither/because I'm a special snowflake/because JUST KIDDING WHO GIVES A SHIT.
I guess I'm trying to say it's all or nothing
so it'll be nothing forever
which is fine
in the world there are a lot of girls who are like; never again
my love (hahaha that word) life was pretty much a string of unrequited nothings and I think that's the only way I will ever be I think that was for the best all around
normally I don't think about this kind of shit anymore because I know it's useless but thanks kimi ni todoke
under the bravado (glowing bravado, I'm made of bravado no the actual word definition of bravado) I'm just afraid
which is cool because since I never think about it anymore I don't have to be afraid anymore
which is the only way to live sometimes I feel like a vulcan
or a gutter sometimes I feel scared at how much I don't care anymore like where did the passionate girl with lots to say go, did she evolve into a ghost type did she digivolve with an egg of resilienceor something
when did she go away and why
I think people are most beautiful and most ugly when they're in love I think they stand out the most/are fuller it is a crime to never want to be fuller again
I think I'm a crime
It's okay
only so many people can dance life well
we'll all end up married and old anyway, used to the quirks, used to the bodily functions, used to hating them as much as depending on them and getting used to getting used to them
if that's life I want no part of it
I'm convinced I'm 17 and a blue mage who ends up with the wrong knight
that's why I write.
that's why everybody writes/makes movies/draws/paints/sings/has affairs/does drugs/drinks booze/plays videogames/reads/turns to religion/turns to warring
because real life is beautiful and fulfilling,
but boring.
and people will fight you and say no and try to argue with you but the fact remains that people are empty
because the drugs and women/men and food and work and school and worries get boring
because fight club was right
because kids die a lot and there's nothing anyone can do about it
because growing up is just realizing your limits
because love is a series of delusions nature puts in a box with hormone wrapping paper
because everything I've just said has been said by every bitter fucker in the world
because right now, I'm alive and I can see the whole world
And it's funny, because I've really only taken a month and a half to write every book of mine so far, so it's not like NaNo is anything new to me. This time I think I'll take a little longer to revise it.
Do I feel like shit for not being good enough? Hell yes.
Do I feel like three years of my life have been wasted with this shit? A little.
Do I feel like I wanna kick the world in its nutsack and write like a mad fiend until I do something right for once? Hell yes.
This is my weakest hour
I think this is where i have to decide something
I can keep going like this, churn out stuff as I used to and not change
Or I can change.
I've been rejected too much to cry at this point. But goddamnit it was a close one. The carrot in front of the nose and everything. Thinking my efforts would finally pay off.
I'll keep on keeping onI'm going to burn everything to the ground and look at myself objectively and analyze every tiny detail and look at the big picture and sacrifice everything until death do us part because these stories are the reason I'm still alive.
if she doesn't say anything by thursday I'll nudge
this is my life right now
bulges and all
It's a fucking fantastic agency. as in, that dude's agency. and the lady in question knew everything about my drug book, or like how it worked and what the message was. she understood my fucking book when I don't think I really even understood it. she hates romance. I hate romance. We'd be perfect.
I'll stop being creepy now and go back to anxiety-ing my guts out.
also is it okay to like Nicki Minaj because super bass is horrible but the blacklight part was awesome but she guests rap and aces everyone on the same track, even if their names start with K and ends in West. Exhibit A; Kanye's 'Monster'.
I've taken four execdrin in the last 12 hours
If i get lucky it'll knock me out for three days and I'll wake up to better news and a better day
GUYS TWO MORE DAYS TWO MORE DAYS I AM FUCKING DYING HERE
EVERYBUUUUUUUUUDYYYYYYYYY I think I've watched this twenty times in the last day and I laugh like I've seen it the first time EVERY TIME what is wrong with me
These are the things I find while waiting to explode INTO RAINBOW BITS
Guys I can't even
I can't even
FUCKING DYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG hey oh but the lump in my head gone which is good because to actually fucking die at this point would be counterproductive
Anytime after this week. ANYTIME AFTER SUNDAY NEXT WEEK I TAKE SOLACE IN screaming until I can't anymore
just kidding
not
I take solace in the fact it will probably just be a normal outcome instead of the wonderous thing I imagine
This applies to life as well, not just my booky ambitions
I want to become a voice even if no one listens
and, because I can't think, a meaningful montage of different people's thoughts I picked out of a random tumblr search for 'holy shit';
1. i just realized
i taught my little brother the hair pat
to scratch your head without messing up your hair
i do it all the time i learned it from the black girls at my high school
this girl could be my friend
2.I saw Brandon in the supermarket today. I was coming out of the cereal aisle and I saw him coming. I stopped breathing as he passed. He did a double take, I don’t think he recognized me at first (lost weight, got contacts, etc.) We made eye contact and he was giving me the, “I really wanna say something to you but you hate me so i’ll just stare at you” look. Part of me wanted to cry, part of me wanted to hug him, and part of me wanted to punch him in the face. Everywhere I went, he was there, or just behind or in front of me. He kept looking at me. I wanted to scream, “Stop looking at me!” but I didn’t want to be a crazy bitch. After he left, I had a panic attack in the fruit section and people were coming up to me asking if I was okay. That was the first time that we made eye contact in six months.
this girl is a retard
3. also i just realized that i'm wearing a tool shirt and i’m listening to tool and i’m soo stoned
i’m also doing math homework hahaha i never would’ve guessed that i could do it this high
i found this shirt at hempfest
its way too big for me hahaha but its still awesome
this album is blowing my mind
the best part is she's doing something fun like math homework whilst on drugs to enhance her experience
4. I feel bad for being in love right now
this was a guy. I don't think he's being truthful
5. I had the a hangover for the first time today.
It fucking sucked so bad. I felt like I was going to explode and die. Luckily I didn’t puke.
Sooo much vodka. that's why you don't drink hard stuff on your first determined hangover, start with wine work your way up are kids really this retarded i need to teach a class on how to de-tard them
6.
forever alone.
ive been crying for like three days straight. but like he gives a shit..
who gives a shit, kill yourself
7. GOODBYE TO ANY CHANCE AT ME SLEEPING TONIGHT. CHRIS AND DARREN WERE JUST MAKING OUT IN A CAR.
CHRIS AND DARREN.
IN A CAR.
OUR KLAINE DRY SPELL IS OVER.
why is this the one I like best
EDOT:
I've had this huge knot on the back of my head since like...Monday. It's either a cyst, or an infected lymph thingy, or it's a tumor. It's going away a little right now.
I was probably angsting so hard I pushed a little bit of my brain out.
also I can't listen to Florence and the machine's cosmic love without crying wtf is wrong with me
