My brother abuses his wife.
And it's like, we get to watch the little drama on FB where they share these weird music videos laden with self love/hate or love/hate for the other, and in a way it's like mixtapes exchanged between couples in the 80's, and his wife is strong but they aren't even married but have two kids but his wife never finished high school and she likes Twilight (which I'm sure isn't related) but she is a good cook and an interesting person and at most she doesn't tolerate being hit, but my brother is sort of a scumbag prick and he begs to get her back in his weird self-absorbed intellectual way and it makes me sick.
It's not a bad thing. He's not a bad guy. It just makes me sick. Bullies just make me sick. I don't even care how polished or accomplished they are on the outside I will crush them beneath my heel if I meet one.
But he's my brother.
I don't see him so often. He had an abusive dad. He's told me stories and mom has told me stories and if I ever meet the man in real life I will probably shoot him but he's old and has cancer so I guess what goes around comes around, he bleeds pus and can't stand and is losing his eyesight and I sort of believe in karma now.
But not really.
I guess I hate people being weak.
I'm not actually strong either. I just know what I know.
Weakness isn't crying. It's succumbing and then never bouncing back. Weakness is actually never changing/never trying.
All I can do is to keep writing and keep living and keep helping everyone in anyway I can so that time passes and my dream comes true. And then when it is true I'll have some truths to live by.
Doot doot.
My saturday is okay today.
EDITem:
I AM STILL SO ATTACHED TO FEAR ITSELF (henceforth, FI) IT IS INSANE. ALL THESE SONGS REMIND ME OF WRITING IT. ALL THESE DAMN PAGES IN MY PLOT BOOK ALL SCRIBBLED AND MARKED WITH TEA STAINS.
pee stains?
no. although I am 99% sure I sat on the toilet and plotted at some point.
uh
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