Sunday, August 12, 2012

all our friends are dead pt. 3

I HAVE A CALL TOMORROW



I'm all on my own nobody to hold my handdddd
nobody to tell me what to say or not say

I have to forge my own path, this is my own battle

I will not let my dream down.

not now.

not when I can taste it.

this war makes everything mundane seem so mundane

the question is what do I do after the war
what do I fight after I've won a good chunk of peace

this is a good question





EDITARD:

the spoils of battle start to divide up
the swords hung to rust, the guns racked and silent
and the soldiers go home to their wives and make babies

and the general takes off his hat and has a glass of brandy and congratulates the fireplace
alone 
HE KNOWS there will be a fight someday else, soon, but this was his first war in command
he won it he didn't let anyone down he won it he's fine everyone is fine there have been causalities but they won
and that's all that matters
all that suffering, all of everyone's suffering, wasn't for nothing

He's proven himself.
proven
the actual word 'proven'
the 'do what you talk big about' sort of proven
the 'walk up and tell him to fuck off once and for all' sort of proven
the 'do what you promised yourself just before falling asleep' sort of proven
the 'meditate for eleven years and levitate one inch' sort of proven
the german 'throw you in a room of dogs and see if you live' sort of proven


I am not a person I am diamond willpower and gold luck/hard vodka and a cranberry chaser/'ma'am your son is dead' and a soft smile


the fight has been my whole PURPOSE these few years


who do I want to BE

I want to be someone who gave it her all, everyday, all the time
all passion, all the time
fight hard party harder
no lies
no pettiness
no regrets

I have paid my dues and done my time

for this particular crime, anyway







if they wanna play, I'm happy to oblige




here I go
enjoy the show





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