dark-burning insomnia-fire

there are easy things in the world and there are hard things

and that's all I've learned in 21 years.

Actual white eyes with black pupils are kind of cool.






My sister is visiting. I'm getting used to the smell of her cigarettes, which has become the scent of her, and it's weird because I still remember when the scent of her was some strawberry kid perfume and i mentioned this to her and she told me my scent hasn't changed (rose essential oil is all, really, I hate synthetic spray perfumes)

she said rose smells sad and 'like an old lady' but that it's perfect for me

She's very tall and very pretty and very commanding and very intuitive and very in love with life and people
but at the same time she is not stupid, no, she is very clever but just very raw
and she has a fantastic fashion sense and turns heads wherever she goes, je ne sais quois, or whatever, she has it in spades

interestingly I've never been actually jealous of her because I get plenty of spotlight for being a caustic, annoying turd and not shutting my mouth

and because je ne sais quois is easy to fake if you grow up around it


I walk my path, she walks hers
my purpose is writing
hers is looking stunning while she finds her purpose

she's moving to san uh something. Not diego. SANTA MONICA THERE WE GO. She has lots of tattoos now, too. It's actually sort of amazing. 

She's basically a ninja and I'm a samurai.
in the sense I have a code I adhere to strictly and 'honorable duels' and such and she strikes from the shadows from behind with a poison dart. 

neither of us is the good guy in this Tokugawa era scenario

she is the bullet and I am the acid vat
she is the dagger and I am the cloak
she is the bear and I am the crow

i am the crow and I live to speak about meaningless crap like this and she lives to power through it

I don't worry about her anymore because I've seen her laugh her new laugh and it is steelclad











which is sad but good.
















the future is now and now is really shiny and I'm working hard to make it even shinier so we can meet in that faraway place someday and get drunk and make art a lot

I hope that's okay with you guys.

(PS. I found an audio recording on my phone of 47 minutes of us watching Breaking Dawn this New Years with shitfaced commentary because we were shitfaced. I'm trying to figure out how to get it off my phone and upload it hereeeeeeeeee)